How covid 19 changed my outlook On life

Photo by Miguel Á. Padriñán on Pexels.com

For me, a life-altering event was just about inevitable; but honestly I had no idea that things would get so damn crazy for me and ultimately the world would never be the same.

Regardless to the numerous conspiracy theories out there about the COVID 19 Epidemic and whether it was the aftermath of 5G or Chinese bats, one thing I can say is that the world has all but went Bat Shit Crazy and we are all left wondering if we can locate toilet paper. This time is what I needed, it’s what YOU needed and what the world was in dire NEED of. A reset.

I’ve been super intentional about re-committing myself back to my hearts desires, my dreams and my professional goals; all while mothering 3 babies I might add. My last post was so long ago that I feel like I had lost my love of writing. In my frustration, I just plummeting into all my unfinished work, looking to “make things right,” with myself.

Then it “clicked” for me, Let’s me try to love myself as hard as I love everybody else.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Fall of 2019 was just about as trifling as this spring therefore after a tumultuous breakup and a car accident that left my car totaled, and my emotions completely throttled, I took up journaling again, started going to a new gym and returned back to some of my most healthiest habits in order to feel some kind of control again.

It was just what I needed because after dedicating myself to a planner for bills, a prayer journal to get my deepest prayers off my heart and into the universe and a file holder to make some sense of the mountains of paperwork that was overtaking my room I finally light and free and well on my way to healing.

A few things hit pretty hard, with the passing of my namesake, best friend and a woman that was so dear to my spirit, my grandmother Bobbie. Picking up the pieces of my heart and learning how to forgive myself and love again has been the most taxing changes of it all. Enrolling back in school to finish my degree and getting a few “no’s” and some awesomely satisfying “yeses,” I’m learning that patience really is a virtue and we all will have our TIME.

There’s always so much to say, however, I want to leave you all with this. Life is for the living. Love is for the lovers. Never give up on it, never push it away out of fear of the unknown.

Enjoy the content people! Stay safe and press on.

What Sleeping Beauty and I have in Common

I must say that I am currently writing this on my phone.  I am yet again packing the residuals of items that Ive been lugging around for 6 months “In between homes,” in anticipation of relocating to the east coast.

My father simply said

” Baby, sometimes A Man is in love with the thought of you.”

His words floated over my being and nestled into my heart. I knew then that.

I needed to fall in love with myself again!

See, Let me explain…  I had a quaint 2  bedroom home with my Ex-Fiancee last winter. A man ( that’s what I’m calling him tonight ) who fathered my youngest tot. Misery wasn’t the word. He was not what I needed. He was what I thought I deserved. My confidence in myself could’ve been likened to a tossed around, mangled can of pibb soda lying crusty in an alley way.

I needed to be shown my beauty and intelligence. My strength and perseverance. Instantly, I was placed in situations for those things to be shown within myself, To Recognize all the things I had been unable to see. Distracted by attempting to “make” others whole was tearing me apart!
I needed to be shown my beauty and intelligence. My strength and perseverance. Instantly, I was placed in situations to be shown myself, To Recognize all the things I had been unable to see. Distracted by attempting to “make” others whole was tearing me apart

The Creator is responsible for causing me to see the changes I needed to make in my world and 10 Months later I am truly a changed person, who has been blessed me to be reintroduced to a childhood friend, with whom I am in love with and happily engaged  (now married) to.

Here’s the thing! Not even as much as a kiss! Our first Kiss will be when we are Husband and Wife! The weight of that is so unnerving,  demanding, infectious even.  I feel like a little girl. Innocent and curious about what that moment will be like.  Yes,  we are spiritual. No we are not Christian.

We are simply human beings that know how important “Love” is!

We are private about those intimate details and I have dreams about his kiss es.  Which rattle me awake with happiness.  Yes,  I have watched 19 and counting and know FULL well that I am past being a young virgin. I feel like one again though and sharing true love’s first kiss (And everything that follows) with my husband is everything to me.

Although my life has never been a fairy tale. I feel a little Disney-ish and I want every young 20-something to know that you set your own path,  limits,  boundaries and love. Value yourself and someone will pay that cost because if you are gonna be any beverage, your a bottle of fresh, natural, pure water!

*Married January 23, 2016*

Will post a photo soon!😉