Your doing it right now. Lower your shoulder by about 4 inches so you can rest yourself for just long enough to read my quick blurb about how to get back your time, sanity and sexy in the “COVID” era and beyond. 4 ways to stop obsessing and (hopefully) get back to business of living.
My mind is always running a mile a minute trying to juggle my work schedule, home school schedule and the when-the-f*&%!-am-I-gonna-make-time-to-shave-my-pubes schedule. It’s maddening, and as a mom of 3 I can tell you that many of you are probably experiencing an over growth in more than just your tighty whities.
1. Buy a planner (then actually use it) every week!
Commit! Buy the sparkly little stickers that go with and the cheesy little case that goes with the absolutely unnecessary interchangeable color coded rings. why do you ask? Well…because it’s gonna distract you for just long enough for you to actually produce some sort of order and dare I say it, a sigh of relief. I love TUL planners, cambridge is also nice and pretty too. Once you get started you really get all into it. Even some small business such as Simplified have a cool version you can try.
2. Get a evening/night routine!
Get Candles ASAP, Buy A Salt Lamp or Fountain, Keep your electronics in another room at night, unplug things when not in use, set the mood, schedule a massage or facial monthly, take an overnight stay at a hotel. If you’re like me have have to have a coupon for everything subscribe to Marriott Bonvoy via this Link https://www.marriott.com/loyalty.mi and earn points for overnight stays towards family vacation trips!
3. Set up an investment account with just $50 with Ellevest!
Listen! I am not paid for these endorsements, I use them myself and I can tell you that you can spend, save and invest all in one app that is women-run and owned. Go ahead and get your save on and plan for your future. You can even do recurring drafts as little as $10 from your bank account to get started.
4. Revamp your underwear drawer.
I know! I know! Probably thinking that it’s not a priority but if you buy undies for your kiddos then there’s no reason you haven’t bought any for yourself. I love savage! The styles are so pretty and they fit ALL sizes. If you’re on the itty bitty titty committee then well, uh, go ahead and get that Victoria Secret 10 for $30 deal or the clearance section when the store open there’s hardly anyone there. Thank me later. Check them out!! Thanks for the read.
For me, a life-altering event was just about inevitable; but honestly I had no idea that things would get so damn crazy for me and ultimately the world would never be the same.
Regardless to the numerous conspiracy theories out there about the COVID 19 Epidemic and whether it was the aftermath of 5G or Chinese bats, one thing I can say is that the world has all but went Bat Shit Crazy and we are all left wondering if we can locate toilet paper. This time is what I needed, it’s what YOU needed and what the world was in dire NEED of. A reset.
I’ve been super intentional about re-committing myself back to my hearts desires, my dreams and my professional goals; all while mothering 3 babies I might add. My last post was so long ago that I feel like I had lost my love of writing. In my frustration, I just plummeting into all my unfinished work, looking to “make things right,” with myself.
Then it “clicked” for me, Let’s me try to love myself as hard as I love everybody else.
Fall of 2019 was just about as trifling as this spring therefore after a tumultuous breakup and a car accident that left my car totaled, and my emotions completely throttled, I took up journaling again, started going to a new gym and returned back to some of my most healthiest habits in order to feel some kind of control again.
It was just what I needed because after dedicating myself to a planner for bills, a prayer journal to get my deepest prayers off my heart and into the universe and a file holder to make some sense of the mountains of paperwork that was overtaking my room I finally light and free and well on my way to healing.
A few things hit pretty hard, with the passing of my namesake, best friend and a woman that was so dear to my spirit, my grandmother Bobbie. Picking up the pieces of my heart and learning how to forgive myself and love again has been the most taxing changes of it all. Enrolling back in school to finish my degree and getting a few “no’s” and some awesomely satisfying “yeses,” I’m learning that patience really is a virtue and we all will have our TIME.
There’s always so much to say, however, I want to leave you all with this. Life is for the living. Love is for the lovers. Never give up on it, never push it away out of fear of the unknown.
I can easily go back to the 17 year-old-me, she was care-free, yet responsible. She was silly, yet very no-nonsense when it came to “boundaries,” she set for her life and was stubborn, hellbent even, to maintain the purity of them. I love that girl, and she’s still there at my core; however I’ve had to realize some serious truths in the past 10 years, that just might help me to get through the next 50.
The world tells you we need to have skirted through high school without any babies, college with all your degrees, early- mid 20’s with some kind of long-term loving passionate type of love and by 30, a couple of children and a fulfilling marriage; with the career and home to boot.
No one ever prepares you to the abnormalities of life, like there’s no book that tells you that your gonna be heartbroken one day, or many days, months or years; that you may have to carry the weight of single motherhood, or that a marriage will fail and there’s nothing you can do to stop it because who you chose didn’t choose you.
I think we as women have been so conditioned to “play by the rules” in life that we set the standards for ourselves and break our backs to maintain them, even though everything is screaming that it’s not lining up. It seems that in pursuit of these “goals,” we lose more and more of that innocence of our youth.
At times we even give up! Thinking that there’s no use of continuing on lying to ourselves and continue to settle in life, love and learning. I’m a living testimony that sometimes it’s not you! It is simply not the season for your harvest! It will come, and it will be fruitful then ever before. You just gotta know it.
I personally experience highs and lows, coming down from a stressful relationship; looking to find my footing in my own skin. While my heart is know longer open for that significant other, attempting to fill their void I find that I had an experience of complete creativity. Music, Writing, Dreams and all other manner of expression just begin to connect again.
This is why I know that whom ever mate you choose must be aligned with your path and purpose, because otherwise they will drag on your very existence. I know this to be true, it’s like mathematics; everything has to balance out. You have to know that the balance is what creates the peace, so forcing an unhealthy energetic bond with someone (No matter the love you feel for them), will only equal up to an imbalance for you. Which is a terrible way to live.
Patience is so important and much needed for healing. So if you get a scrape you know it’ll be atleast a week for the healing to be complete and up to a month to remove the scar. It’s the same for your heart. This healing begins with accepting the process and letting go; when you do the healing is so much more swift and happiness is soon to follow.
There’s something about new life; little babies and small children that help super charge your life and happiness. They are there for you, sent to you from the divine. So most certainly they have love unlocked and ready to pour over everything that hurts. Naturally they want to see you smile and be innocent like them so don’t resist them. Soak up all the love that they give freely.
I’ve had moments in my experience where I’ve questioned myself. Maybe I didn’t do enough to show then I loved them? May I should have screamed in the top of my lungs and tried to save them from themselves? Maybe I should have never even responded at all? Guilt is a no-go! It will suck your soul from you! You either are for someone or you’re not. If you belong to someone, they will never leave you in a state of uncertainty about what you mean to them. Remember that!
Lastly, forgive yourself! A loving mate is not looking to belittle or investigate; uncover or infiltrate. Love is just that, so therefore no innocent person is anticipating being lied to or betrayed. Let all the details go and just focus on the love. No one can get take the love from you. That, you can do something with. Don’t stop being beautiful just because somebody treated you ugly. Still be you and things will align themselves so that you are with someone who appreciates all that you are and will help you to heal and grow to discover your true self!
With the vast number of fast food companies who spend millions of dollars to produce luscious looking food commercials, it’s tempting to indulge in dining out. One may wonder if they can still eat out while living or starting the journey to a health conscious lifestyle? While I completely agree that the healthiest meals can be enjoyed at home, we all can benefit from dining out occasionally. Plus, discovering refreshing new places away from home will add a new spark to your usual routine!
Here are 7 tips for dining out while living a healthy lifestyle.
If you have been strictly sticking to your healthy eating and exercise regimen, following your meal planning to a T, and successfully accomplishing your goals, go out and treat yourself! Make it an occasion and don’t just run to McDonald’s or Taco Bell.
Instead, treat yourself to a sit-down restaurant and invite family and friends along to celebrate with you. Engage in pleasant conversation! You will eat slower and feel fuller faster!
Split Your Meal!
Ask for a to-go box before your food comes to the table so you can split it in half and box it up before you even take a bite. This way, you eat exactly half and have lunch for tomorrow! Or, when dining with a friend, get a larger meal and split it between the two of you!
As a former server, substitutions for foods can become annoying. Make sure you tell your server that you are trying to eat healthier and thank them for taking extra time to oblige your requests. They want to provide you with what you want, and you want to receive the best, so be courteous! Don’t hesitate to show thanks your servers for their service in the monetary form. Many servers depend on tips.
For Mexican food, substitute beef, pork or chicken for beans, rice or quinoa. Fresh fish is also a healthier substitute in seafood entrées. Get your tacos with light or no cheese, no sour cream and add extra tomatoes or sliced avocados. You may also choose beans and rice for a side or a fresh salad, choose a light vinaigrette on the side. When you ask for dressing on the side you can control the amount you want or you may decide you don’t need it at all. Get a small basket of chips and add salsa or guacamole. Instead of a fried taco, get a hard or soft shell. The best option is to go to an authentic eatery where they make their own, as many Mexican restaurant use lard to make their wraps. If in doubt, Ask!
For breakfast establishments, don’t upgrade to cheesy eggs or cheese on your hash browns. Opt for egg whites instead of yolk if you have eggs. Choose a multigrain pancake or dry wheat toast instead of buttermilk pancakes or buttered white toast. Watch the amount of creamers or sugar you put in your coffee or bring your own creamer/raw sugar from home if you can’t live without it. All natural sugars and vegan creamers are sold in specialty stores. Also see if they offer fresh fruit.
When ordering a burger, try out the house veggie burger if it is available, or choose turkey bacon or turkey/chicken sausage over pork sausage. When a bread basket is suggested, only order one couple if at all or eat a fresh salad instead. Choose a whole wheat pasta with a tomato base, not cream based sauce. Order a vegetarian, chicken or seafood dish instead of beef or pork. Ask for grilled chicken or shrimp instead of fried.
If you are consuming processed or unprocessed red meat at home, try eating vegetarian when you go out, if you eat meat and are trying to decrease meat consumption.
There are almost always vegetarian options even at America’s most loved fast food joints. Burger King offers a veggie burger, you can order a veggie sub at Subway or Mr. Goodcents, and get all your favorite tex-mex food with beans instead of beef at Taco Bell!
Walk or Bike!
When it is a beautiful evening and you are going out to eat, try walking or biking to a local restaurant! You will work up an appetite by burning calories on the way to eat, and burn them off afterwards. When you know you have to walk after eating, you won’t fill yourself up as much! Just make sure you can carry leftovers home if you have any!
Drink H2O, Not Soda
Order water when you dine out. You can ask for lemon, lime, or other fruit slices to spice up your water and it doesn’t hurt to clean your silverware with a few lemon slices! You can also ask for soda water (carbonated water) and add lemon and lime juice as well. Soda also has tons of added sugar which tricks your stomach into feeling less full. To enjoy your meal better and only eat what you need, refrain from drinking soda with your meal. Not only is this healthier for you, it will also save you some cash!
Just Say No to Dessert
Instead of ordering a sugary dessert, try some fresh fruit. Even better, wait until you get home and indulge in some yogurt or even frozen yogurt with fresh fruit, nuts, dried fruit, or any other healthy toppings!
In 2000, A study by the U.S. Department of Agriculture found that people were consuming at least 195 pounds of meat per year, a number that has increased since the past 50 years. So it is safe to say that America loves meat. It makes one wonder if eating so much meat is beneficial to us.
With many increases in vegan and vegetarian options, low-carb products, “healthy” processed foods and rising organic sales, it seems like everyone is trying to live a more healthier lifestyle. However, with fads like ” The paleo diet,” there is always room for improvement.
Not only is red meat being consumed more frequently, but the portion sizes have increased dramatically as well. With numbers like these its not difficult to see why there is a steady increase in obesity, diabetes, cardiovascular disease, cancers, and mortality. The question is “Should we be looking at red meat (or meat consumption in general) as the cause for these problems?”
In 1980, Harvard’s School of Public Health conducted a study of men and women and the effects of red meat consumption.120,000 men and women participated, and the study was conducted over the participant’s lifetimes. During the study, 5,900 died from cardiovascular disease and 9,500 died from cancer.
The individuals that consumed more processed and unprocessed red meat had an increase of all-causes of mortality, cancer, and cardiovascular disease.
With one additional serving of unprocessed red meat, the risk of total mortality increased by 13%. Astonishingly, an extra serving of processed red meat like hot dogs, bacon, and sausage increased the risk of total mortality by 20%!
Substituting one serving a day of fish, poultry, nuts, legumes, low-fat dairy and whole grains for red meat decreased the risk of mortality by 7%-19%. If participants consumed less than half of red meat (approx. 1.5 oz.) a day, then 9.3% of the male participants and 7.6% of the female participant’s deaths’ could have been prevented.
“500,000 participants who ate mostly red meat daily, were 30% more likely to die of any health cause during a 10 year period than those who ate the least red meat,” reported The National Cancer Institute Study of Meals.
Sausage, lunch meats, and other processed meats also increase the risk for mortality. Adults need to consume 10-35% of total daily Kcal from protein.This is equal to eating 50-175 grams of protein a day (based on a 2,000 Kcal diet). A Kcal, or Kilocalorie, is a unit of energy measure used in conjunction with a Calorie. One serving of protein is about 3 oz., or the size of a deck of cards. One example of a diet that limits red meat but emphasizes eating fruit, legumes, whole grains, and healthy fats is the Mediterranean diet.
Consumption of red meat increases the risk for heart failure, and increases the risk of death from heart failure for men who regularly consume processed red meats. Nitrates, sodium, phosphates, and other additives may contribute to heart failure risk.
The good news is that meat consumption in the United States has decreased more than 5%. “Consume 1-2 servings a week or less of red meat,” recommends The American heart Association.
While China’s pork consumption has increased 18% from 64 million to 78 million tons. China buys more than 60% of the world’s soybeans to feed its livestock and has also purchased foreign agricultural land turning farm scale production to factory operations. In China, meat manufactures pollute, house disease, and have even been caught dumping pigs in the Shanghai River.
The effects of red meat don’t just stop with your health. The production and distribution of red meat causes severe environmental impact as well. At least 42,000 gallons of water per day are used in the standard American diet to feed and process livestock and to wash and cook meat.
Issues such as waste from concentrated animal farming operations (CAFO’s), the energy consumption, deforestation and disease all find themselves wrapped up inside of your package of ground beef or cheeseburger.
In conclusion, we have discussed the health effects of red meat and the toll of the production of red meat on our environment and health. If it is not clear by now, red meat (or meat consumption in general) is the cause for many problems we share.
Our society has an addiction to red meat, and that obsession is literally killing us.
It’s time to put down the knife and pick up the fork for a better life for ourselves, our children, and our planet.
So much can be said about this hairy little fruit, however I mostly want to shed light on its precious and healing oil. Coconut oil has been described as “the healthiest oil on earth,” by The Coconut Research Center, an organization to seeks to shed light on its nutritional benefits and those of several other unprocessed wonders.
Since there are so many health benefits I’d like to go over a few that will be of benefit to women. I like the accessibility of this products for moms that may not have a lot of money to put into beauty treatments, who still want to feel pampered! Here’s what I do with this marvelous product.
1. I cook with it! similar to olive oil, it has a nutty aromatic aroma that compliments most cooking. It also is anti-inflammatory, helps with Candida and thyroid issues in women.
2. I moisturize with it! As refreshing as a HOT shower can be, I find myself so dry and my skin is so thirsty. Coconut Oil is a great remedy to condition the skin and is a natural UV blocker.
3. I put it in my hair! Coconut is one of the most effective oils for hair growth. Keeps your strands strong and does wonders for your scalp! ITS ALL ABOUT THE SCALP! Use your normal conditioner, and after the rinse. Seal in with a dollop of oil.
4. I use it on my babies! Newborns go through such drastic changes in their skin and need constant moister. I found that the oil did the trick. He dry skin cleared up and the rough patches went away.
Hope these tips work and ENJOY!
In the black community, we’ve developed a dangerous habit of “not putting our business out there.” Because of this, our youth continues to perpetuate violence by killing each other off as if life is one big video game. Some kids don’t understand that the pursuit of “street cred” could lead to residency inside a jail cell.
The reality of the situation is we don’t have enough teen counseling programs in Kansas City. And our public education system, which currently lacks accreditation, has failed us. There are plenty of domestic abuse programs and battered women shelters in the Metro. But nothing seems to be in place for the kids.
How long will our youth have to suffer before they receive any attention?
As our schools struggle to regain accreditation, I believe it’s time for parents to start considering other educational options. When I was a toddler, my mother pulled me from elementary school in exchange for home schooling because she grew frustrated with the system and out-of-control kids.
It’s probably not fair to single out kids for bad behavior. If parents expect children to behave in a respectful manner, they must first lead by example. After all, true education starts at home.
“Many of the children I work with on a daily basis are given a survey at school that shows the risk factors, such as violence and drug-use, stem from home,” said Regional Prevention Coordinator Andrica Wilcoxen.
As the economy remains stagnant, it’s even that much more important for parents to give today’s youth the attention they need, instead of depending on a school counselor or some teen advocate to do it for them.
We need more adults to step up during these dark educational times and start lending support. There are probably parents on their laptops at this very moment telling kids to prepare their own meals while they gossip on Facebook.
People, something has to give.
Parents, I implore you to please take time to follow your child’s daily activities at school.
If your kid hasn’t found a club or activity to become a part of, help him or her find one. Also, be aware of today’s scary sexual climate. There are several child molestation cases going on. We need more parents to discuss this topic with their children.
Our youth must learn what constitutes inappropriate touching and the importance of reporting it right away.
Parents should also discuss teen pregnancy with their kids too.
In my mind this posting was going to be hard to write. I imagined myself chewing on my long overdue French manicure looking to figure out how to properly convey where I was in my life. Then something funny happened! I started going back to every time I pulled a piece of my heart like mortar attempting to patch up another person I felt was broken. From my best friends, my family and my lovers; a common thread of selflessness that permeated every relationship. As I got older I figured out a way to convince myself that this was simply how I was wired. I mean, If I could so clearly see the love that people needed and could coach them through their trauma, I could save them from themselves right?
I never quite understood the depth of my calling until now, I really did think I was a strange person to see so deeply into the human condition and be brave enough to try to heal it within each person I was able to share time with; now I’m seeing that in my innocence and growth, maybe even naivety that it was okay to go through this trial and error.
Now they have names for people who can “feel all the feels,” they call them empaths and light workers amongst other names, but all I knew was that being this way hurt. Like the more I gave the more I could feel my heart beginning to feel like it was breaking. Feeling all this heartbreak and unwholesomeness within some of the people I loved so much I just wanted to ease the pain.
Throughout the course of my 29 years I’d hear chilling testimonies from women and men alike that would confide in me about their childhood abuses and blockages; bravely showing me their demons to slay so I obliged. It got to the point where I didn’t know what it felt like to be alone as people would come into my life just to feel whatever healing they could and sooner or later we’d meet an impasse in which they could no longer take the feeling of transparency that was required to be with me.
One day I discovered that it was a “nakedness,” that I emitted that only made people see themselves so clearly that they were inspired (from wanting to see), or utterly repulsed. These responses I never understood but still, I was happy to help, happy to heal and add to them even if the only way I could be added to was through deep spiritual meditation and prayer.
Something happened to me… Maybe it was my life coming full circle, gaining in on my 30th year of life?
However, I finally felt like myself. Like in my skin again and of course it had been so long that I just laughed and laughed. Had I left a part of myself somewhere for safe keeping? Had I been lost and finally found myself? I wondered these things, but one thing was for certain…I had never been alone. In college, I had always had some type of suitor or beau, filling space so I wouldn’t be able to focus on the task at hand…Me.
Even as I got older I smoothly transitioned from one toxic relationship to the other attempting to fix my mate and make him see the light, depression was always shortly there after and then another. Then another and another crazier than the one before. As though the universe wasn’t speaking loud enough I found myself in cycles of emotional and border line physical abuse. I took myself through mountainous high and oceanic lows and yet again, I’d make another attempt that would fail terrible.
One day I started asking myself why! One day it hit me so clearly, I did not ever want to be hurt or disappointed, so I chose people I knew were broken so that maybe out of gratitude they would spare me but they never did. THEY NEVER DID! The only thing that would greet me was a passive and sometimes outright kind of resentment for being the one that could love them despite their flaws. It was like a punishment. Like how dare you see me so clear and try to fix me. I really had no right because the first thing in therapy is to establish that your patient is willing to go through it.
I can recall pushing away beautiful and capable men because I did not know how to fix them and that fear made me think that they could possible hurt me more by playing on an even field.
One day I had to diagnose myself and just stop enabling myself, I didn’t want to look up and realize that I had missed all of their formative years pursuing a mate, that may or may not have even been fully vested in a true companionship because I had to fix something or someone to feel competent.
So the truth is, I could be happy and married with kids instead of a single mom, but I refused to relinquish control because every time I did I was betrayed. You must ask yourself the real questions to get the real answers. And this was what I wanted to finally figure out. Why I had to be in control of everything in order to be in love.
The most interesting thing to me is how we find a way to justify our own blockages. I am coming into a true understanding of divine timing, forgiving myself and finally attending to myself as a whole being, attending to my children before they get older and always remember me being depressed and sad.
Feeling joyful for the things I’m passionate about, my music, my writing, my time and what I do with it. Feeling joyful to have a career that causes me to be free and happy and heal young people in a setting that’s appropriate instead of “bringing my patients home with me,” which was one of the worst things I could have ever done.
I hope this resonates with someone, however, you’re not selfish for loving YOU. Until the right individual come into your life to reciprocate. You don’t have to find a filler until that time. I used to feel uneasy if I wasn’t in a relationship, I felt like It felt to good to enjoy my own company, not have any one to cry or stress about. But the most beautiful thing to do for someone who gives so much to others is to hug yourself and give yourself space to exist on your own terms, so you can work on yourself and when that time comes, the people who are worthy of your energy will see the work you put in to be your truest self.