The funny thing is, when I first decided to write this article I was 3 Months deep into breastfeeding my second child, attempting to figure out how I could possibly nurture my newborn, work 2 jobs and hold down 3 online courses and a situationship. My mind was swimming in sociology 101 and IT courses when all I really wanted to do was feel like an “adequate” mother. The kind of mother that had an answer for every question. I hope this will help you answer some of yours.
I had to learn what kind of LOVE that I needed. As soon as I would “come up for air” emotionally I found my breasts,( which I affectionately call “Ninny Jugs”), begin to swell and become sore. Frustration wasn’t the word honey, I was upset because with my first-born I was on my own in so many ways. I had every ounce of “liquid gold” mapped out, and with this baby I was all over the place! An emotional mess triggered by what had become a tumultuous relationship with my ex- fiancé.
Although I was pretty gifted with my Medela double pump at the time, I found myself most comfortable with an easy hand-expresser with a bottle attachment.
For some reason this contraption made me feel in control of my own body. Nothing against Medela- however, I’m not a cow.
For what was happening in my life, I didn’t need something else tugging at me and draining out precious liquids constantly!
I’m an honest writer and I have to be, because I like to read “real pieces”. Even in journalism classes “hard news”, seemed to comfort me a bit more than fluff pieces. So when I tell you that struggling with a relationship on course for destruction didn’t make breastfeeding any easier. As much as I wanted to rely on my mate to bottle-feed during pumping sessions or feed my two-year-old- I JUST COULDN’T!
You have to give yourself what you NEED. Whether that is alone time in your mind or alone time in your home.
I learned that you have to take control of your happiness and use your WILL to attract positivity and light into your life.
I am not a religious person, however, I do KNOW that the energy you put out comes streamlining right on back to you, so if you ACT like you don’t know what kind of love you need, you will surely find an individual that is incapable of showing you that love.
So, since I love happy endings, I can tell you that courting my wonderful man for 9 Months was the UNIVERSE giving me what I had asked for. A nurturer, a friend, a confidante and a REAL man capable of bringing, giving and creating love within me. I wouldn’t have be blessed with him unless I had made my mind up about what I NEEDED, instead of COPING with INCOMPATIBILITY within my life. Cheers!